Prepare yourself for a rant...

*Updated* I forgot to add some aggravating details that are sure to make you laugh, cry, scream, etc. Update at the * below.

Okay, are you truly that gullible and, well, stupid?

Allow me to back up and explain what has me so revved up. A good friend of mine at work shares my views regarding whole, natural foods and the idiocy of constantly 'dieting' on highly-sugared 'fat-free' health food. I can't mock those irreconcilable words enough.

I'll preface by saying that the woman at work around whom this story revolves once posited she couldn't have orange juice because it had too many calories. Wha-at?! Ah yes, I once heard the tail of the woman so fat she couldn't move from her bed. The culprit? OJ.

So back to my story. This woman--let's call her Alice-- remarked that she needed to have breakfast. My friend immediately offered up the Kashi GoLean Crunch she keeps at her desk. Another offered up Special K. So Alice, being the prudent food connoisseur that she is, immediately compared the nutrition panel, not even glancing at the actual ingredients. She quickly remarked, 'OH I can't have the Kashi! It has sooo many more calories and, oh, 3 grams of fat!' My friend told her that the Kashi contains more vitamins and minerals. Alice said, 'Oh I don't care about those.' !!!!!! You are dieting and trying to eat better and you don't care about this little thing commonly referred to as nutrition?!

I hate, hate, hate how people look at the nutrition panel for health information. How does that tell you what you're actually eating? It's poor nomenclature. It should be reworded. Panel indicating the lowest caloric and fat content possible through manipulation and arrangements of ingredients that substitute for real, whole foods in order to fool you into purchasing this food and believing it to be a healthy alternative, comes to mind. It has a good ring to it, don't you think?

My friend then took both boxes to compare what really matters-- the actual ingredients. She told Alice that Kashi will have more calories and fat because it has tons of fiber and hearty ingredients to keep you full much longer. So here's where the story really gets me riled up. My friend saw the horrible ingredients in Special K, the number one culprit being high fructose corn syrup. She told Alice this and she said, and I quote, 'But you saw the commercials. It's fine in moderation.'

Breathe, Tiffany, breathe. Do you ever see commercials for oranges or tomatoes or apples claiming that they are healthy? No, no you don't because their nutrition is not questionable. You only have propaganda pushed out by Big Corn, you ignorant simpleton. And she quoted directly from the commercial!! I didn't think those commercials were effective at all because I wrongly assumed people were smart enough to see through such transparent propaganda.

*So then my friend points out that it's full of preservatives. Alice's reaction? 'What? Preservatives? Where? I don't see that listed!'

You actually think the ingredient panel will list preservatives under such name?! My friend said, 'Um, you see all of these words you don't know? Those are the preservatives...'

Shocker. Preservatives aren't listed as preservatives on the label.

And that, my friends, is how the food makers get away with making 'foodlike substances'.